Raising kids is hard, and it really helps to have a community to help. In fact, that’s a leading reason that people join churches. But, not all youth programs are created equally. How do you know if this will be a beneficial environment for your kids? Will it meet your needs? Here’s some things to consider:

Safety: 

1. Do the adults have background checks? These don’t catch everything, but it’s a bare minimum that all programs should have. 
2. What is their safety policy? Two deep leadership is the general standard in all programs.
3. What is their reporting policy? Concerns should be directly referred to the local authorities, not to internal systems. 
4. For larger programs, do they have files on the kids with emergency contacts, allergies, and a check in/check out procedure? 
5. Do the leaders take a training course on recognizing abuse? Here’s one I was really impressed with.

Community:

1. Are there kids the same ages as yours? 
2. Are the classes small enough for personal attention or large enough for peer interaction?
3. Does your child “vibe” with the other kids? With the teachers? Don’t’ discount it if your child is getting the creeps from a leader or another child. 
4. Kids change as they get older. Will this community be accepting if they come out as LGBTQ in the future? Are they accessible to those with disabilities? etc.

Values:

1. Do they center values over in-group/out-group thinking? Some programs spend a lot of time in boundary maintenance. In my opinion, a good children’s program spends more time actually teaching values rather than a specific dogma. Some red flags for me are teaching a “victim mindset” where the “world” is out to get the “believer”. It also is a red flag if we label who is and is not a true believer. That is different from teaching values, which are goals to strive towards, not measuring sticks to beat yourself with.
2. Do they treat everyone as deserving of love and belonging?  Beware of worthiness talk. Teaching excessive self-monitoring with the goal of being “worthy” can lead to serious mental health disorders in some children. A healthy program treats all people as worthy of love and belonging, even as they encourage them to be their best selves.
3. Do they engage in dangerous or unhealthy discipline? Exclusion and other shaming practices should never be used as a punishment. For example, a teen is suspected of being sexually “impure” and so is not allowed to go on any special trips for 6 months or must stand aside during rituals, that kind of treatment is highly damaging not only to the children that are excluded, but also to those that witness such treatment. Of course, physical forms of punishment are also unacceptable.

So what if you can’t find a program that checks all your boxes? Well, that’s where a lot of young families are right now. For more personalized help, I encourage you to book a coaching session and we can talk about your specific needs and what resources are out there for you and your family.

The post How to Evaluate a Church for a Healthy Children’s Program first appeared on Shanna Mae Spiritual Coaching.